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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Ordinary People

Walking on the road, you pass so many people. Some look confident, purposeful, well-dressed, well-maintained.   But the majority appear so ordinary, wear ill-fitting clothes, unfashionable footwear, have too much fat or too little, nothing remarkable about them, nothing attractive.
But yet someone somewhere eagerly waits for this unimpressive man to come home every evening.
Someone's entire world turns around the strength of this frail-looking woman.
Someone's very purpose in life hinges on this brash youngster cutting through traffic.
Someone knows only the shelter of these old arms each time their world begins to crumble.
Someone will count hours, minutes, and weep like a child when this pock-marked face alights from a long-distance train.

Someone will cave in, crack up, and never be the same again if this one person disappears from the face of the world.
There are no ordinary people… No one…!!!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ghazal Remixed College Version

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The remix ghazal
[** yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo**]
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yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Bhale ccheen lo mujhse US ka Visa,
Magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,
Woh TeeKha Samosaa, Woh thanda saaa paani,
=======================================================
Woh College ki sabse - purani nishaanee,
Woh chai vaalaa jisko - sab kehte the... jaani,
Woh jaani ke hathon - ki 'cutting' chai meethi,
Woh chupke-se journal - mein jo bheji thi chitthi,
Woh padhte hi chitthi - tha uska bhadakna,
Woh chehre ki laali, woh hothon ki gaali ...
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani...........
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Kadi dhoop mein - apney room se nikalnaa,
Woh project ki Khatir - tha dar dar bhataknaa ,
Woh lecture mein doston - ki proxy lagaanaa,
Woh ma'm ko chidana, aeroplane udaanaa,
Woh submission ki raton - ko jagna jagaanaa,
Woh viva ! ke kisse, woh pracs ki kahani....
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani..........
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Woh dena Bimaari - ka har time bahana,
Woh doosron ke assignment - ko apnaa banana,
Woh seminar ke din - pairon ka cchat-patanaa,
Woh workshop mein din bhar - pasiinaa bahanaa,
Woh slogans banana - woh poster chipkana,
Phir Exam ke dinon - yaad aati thi naani,
Woh teekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani........
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College ki thi - woh lambi si raatein,
Woh doston ke tapre mein - fokat ki Baatein;
Woh gathering ke din - pyari mulakatein;
Woh kudiyon ka yuhin - hamesha akadnaa;
Woh ladkon ke aagey jo unka matakna;
Bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi -------
Woh college, ki yaadein jo ab hai kahani...
Woh Teekha Samosa, Woh thanda saaa paani

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Who is she


God & PM

Part-1
One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
  
Part-2
Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered " Buddy, I  did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!" 

New employment Policy

As a result of the money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down our number of personnel. Under this plan older employees will be asked to go on to early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger employees who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out our older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retiring Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early
Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment), unless he or she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).

As HERPES or CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES OR CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). This company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT that you can stand.